Monday, July 5, 2010

What do you mean I can't have chocolate chip cookies every day?

It's reckoning time.

Squeaky has sucked all the belly off me that she's ever going to. I can't maintain my daily handfuls-of-chocolate-chip-cookies-and-ice-cream diet and expect to look good at my friend's wedding next week. Hell, the wedding is only five days away, so any chance of looking good will only be a reflection of the beautiful baby in my arms. So, yeah. Time to cut back on the cookies and milk fat, and fill up on apples and almonds and water.

I used to be an athlete. I competed in a couple of sports on the provincial and national levels, and while I was never winning medals, I could hold my own... When I was 16 years old, I remember sucking my tummy in whenever I was with my boyfriend, convinced I was thick through the middle. One time he said to me (and I remember this vividly, as one of the very few times I've ever vocalized my disappointment with my thick middle) "You look good to me." Those five words sustained me for the next ten years. And though Man makes me feel desirable, I can only see the thick middle, sloping shoulders and chunky legs in pictures. I used to love my legs - they were long, strong, muscled and tan (at least during cycling season). Now they are long, strong, fleshy and stubbly. (Finding time to exercise? No problem. Finding time to shave my legs? A whole 'nother story).

So last week I booted myself in gear, bought a jogging stroller (half price!) and made two trips to the post office, one long walk with the regular stroller, vacuumed the whole house with Squeaky in the Bjorn and did 25 crunches and 10 leg raises. Baby steps. This morning I jogged to the post office, and back, whereas last week I walked/jogged on the way home.

But ice cream and cookies, and chips and chocolate are still my downfall. I do everything right - 1tablespoon on peanut butted on my whole wheat English muffin every morning, big servings of vegetables at lunch and dinner, and apples and cheese for snacking. I drink gallons of water (breastfeeding as I am), and I'm ramping up the exercise ever so slowly. But then on top of all my exercise and ideal diet, I eat waaaayyyy toooo muuuuucchhh juuuunk. Chips! Crackers! Chocolate! Candy! Brownies! Cookies! Ice cream! Ice cream cake! More ice cream!